Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Family pic (all a bunch of animals!)

This is my Aunt Spleeness and her very furry dog. There are only two REAL animals in the picture. The bundle of white fluff in her hand is actually a giant gob of dog hair!

Friday, December 4, 2009

The Mall

It was a dark morning, I just woke up. My mom had just come into my room, as usual, and woke me up. Every school morning I get woken up by my mom. Today when I got woken up, I was not happy at all. Not because it was a Monday, but rather because it was a Sunday. My mom said to me, “Michael get out of bed. Your going to be late for school.” My head was buried in my pillows so, I couldn’t talk too clearly. I tried to say, “but mom! It’s Sunday! ” What my mother heard was, “mut mum ts runday” She paused for a moment. I thought she stopped to process what I had just said. Then she walked across my room and opened the blinds. I rolled onto my back so she could hear me better. I was way too tired to speak any louder than a whisper. I then repeated what I said before. My voice sounded very scratchy. My mother looked at me like I was crazy. She did not believe me. Almost once a week, I would make up an excuse about why I don’t want to or can’t go to school. My mom probably thought that this was one of the weeks. My mom just looked at me and said, “Oh just get out of bed and get dressed.” I started to go crazy. I told her that I really wasn’t lying and that it really was Sunday. She walked out of my room leaving the door ajar. She came back in what felt like four seconds. She was holding her phone in her hand. She looked at it and said, “oh I’m so sorry Michael, please forgive me! Go back to sleep.” I tried to fall back to sleep but it didn’t work. Usually if I wake up before 9:30 on a Sunday morning I fall back to sleep as fast as a match catching fire. This morning however, was different. I was not able to fall back to sleep. It was considered an embarrassment if you woke up earlier than 11 a.m.

I was not able to talk to any of my friends until noon. It felt like forever. Then at around 9:15 I noticed that my sister, Tori, woke up. I knew this because I heard singing coming from her room. I went upstairs to the entrance of Tori’s room and knocked on the door. The door opened. I walked inside and jumped onto her bed. Right after I did that I realized that she was laying across her floor (She was okay. My sister always lies on her floor). I told her what happened and that I was very tired. She said that I should lie down and try to take a nap. If I was able to sleep, then why on earth would I be awake? I didn’t say this to my sister because that might offend her. She said that I should just listen to music for a while and relax. After she told me this she then suggested that when my friends wake up, that I should go to the mall with them. I took her advice.

Finally it was noon. I did not feel bad calling all of my friends because I had to wait so long for it. The only one of my friends that answered the phone was Joseph. I asked him if he wanted to do something today. He said, ‘YES! I KEPT TRYING TO CALL YOU BUT YOUR PHONE WAS OFF!” I didn’t want to tell him why it was off (to hide that fact that I was awake before, what we call it “the hour”) I asked him if he wanted to go to the mall. He then said, “oh sure. I actually needed a new pair of pants. My only pair of pants I have are the ones that I got tackled in. now they have a huge hole in the knee.” I said, “perfect! Text me when you want to go.” Sure enough we were texting each other about our plans in the next few minutes. We had planned out that I will pick him up from his house at 1 p.m. He will drive back.

The time came and it was 1 p.m. My sister drove me to Joseph’s house to pick him up. She then drove us to the mall. When we arrive at the mall we said thank you to my sister and headed inside. We both wanted to do something chiller and relaxing. We headed over to the electric massage chairs and put in our money. The chair started massaging our backs as it was supposed to. Joseph and I were so relaxed that when the massage was over we put in another dollar and got another massage. After we decided we shouldn’t waste our money, we headed up to the videogame store. A new unheard of company made a new game station. It was called the Sahasha. We wanted to take a look at it. There was a rumor that the Sahasha was better than all the game stations combined. It was a virtual reality game station. What you do is you put the game helmet on your head over your eyes and you will go into a deep sleep. The point of the Sahasha is that when you go to sleep you dream that you are in the game. Your dream is supposed to be the game you’re playing. The Sahasha is completely safe and the only side effect is that you might get nightmares or it may cause headaches. When we got to the store there was an unbelievably short line to test out the Sahasha. There was only one person on line, and that was only because the owners of the store had not opened the Sahasha for public use. Joseph and I had to wait on line for only five minutes. The person in front of us was shaking. He was very nervous to play the Sahasha. He turned around and stared at us. I then said, “Good luck!” The man sat down on the chair that the store had provided. He selected the game he wanted and put on the helmet. Almost instantly the man’s head rolled over on to his shoulder. He was sleeping. Joseph and I started to laugh at the man. After three minutes the man woke up. He took off the helmet and put it down. He turned to us and said, “ITS SICK! YOU HAVE TO TRY A SHOOTING GAME!”

I sat down and took the man’s advice. I put on the helmet and suddenly everything in my mind went blank. I felt myself lift off the chair and I landed onto a very tough ice ground. I heard a voice in my head and it said, “welcome to Siberia. There is currently a war. You, agent Shapiro, are the last hope of victory.” The voice went away. This was the coolest dream I ever experienced. I felt a little chilly. There were very strong winds. I saw a gun on the ground. I picked it up and walked over to a frozen over lake. I walked on top on the ice. I stepped about ten feet onto it. I heard the ice crackling. I walked a little further thinking that I could not get any damage done to me. I heard someone scream across the lake. The man screamed so loud it was as if he was getting his fingers put into a blender. I remembered the voice in my head. I had to go and save the man. I started to run. My foot cracked through the ice. Then, almost instantly my entire body was submerged in the icy water. In a fraction of a second, I felt a huge icy chill go through my entire body. I was sinking. I kept sinking deeper and deeper. I could not move. It felt as if I was frozen. I closed my eyes and gave up all hope. Then I felt myself being pulled out of the water. I caught my breath. Right after I reached the surface and was above the water I felt a hot breeze flow over me. Then the voice came back. It said,”you have to be more careful agent Shapiro. You are the last hope. There are ten more men in your base. You have nine more lives. Make good use of them.” I no longer had my gun. I started to panic. I did not know where my base was. I was unarmed. I started to run. I tripped over a rock on the ground. Under it I found a knife and a gem. It pocketed the gem and kept the knife in my hand and continued to run. Then, I saw a man on the ground. He was wearing a weird flag on his chest. He had to be on the other country’s side. He was injured. I took all of his weapons and continued running. I did not know where I was running to. There was an entire abandoned community. I saw a car on the road, so went up to the car. There was someone in the car. I pulled on the door handle hoping it was unlocked. To my luck it was unlocked. The man appeared to be sleeping. I woke him up and held the knife to him. I told him to get out of the car. He was very scared so he listened to me. I made sure he was standing away from the car before I climbed in and shut the door. There was no key inside the car. I had two options. I could either ask the man for the key, which might be dangerous, or I could hotwire the car and drive to the village. The second option was much safer. I realized the sun started to set. I drove to the village and stayed in one of the houses over night.

In the morning, I woke up from the sound of loud banging on the door. I was so startled that I jumped out the window. When I stood up I looked around and saw a tunnel with the same flag I was wearing on my shirt. I walked inside hoping it was my base. When I entered the room I saw ten men sleeping wearing the flag. I went over to the men and woke them up. They were very excited to see me. Then, all of a sudden, there were loud and annoying noises that sounded as if someone was scratching a chalk board with their fingernails. I walked out of the cave and to my surprise it was a different place than the one I had entered. It looked as if I was in a giant open field. Very far away I heard people screaming. It was much hotter outside now. Then, I realized that there was a fire on the field. It was as if someone poured a thousand gallons of gas on the ground and ignited it. I saw people emerge from the fire and start walking towards me. I had to run. I knew I had to. I ran and ran. I was aching all over. I wanted this game to end now I’ve had enough of it. I was hoping for the voice to come back. Then I heard a loud booming voice echo all over. The man talking had a very deep voice. The man said, “CONTINUE?” I immediately yelled out “NO!”

I felt a sudden jolt of energy. I ripped off the helmet and stood up. I turned to Joseph and said, “That is the sickest thing I have ever seen in my entire life.” I saw a big smile starting to form over his face. I then said, “but stay away from “the war of Siberia 3”...it has a small glitch.” Joseph started laughing. I asked him what time it was. He told me 1:34 p.m. “1:34 P.M?! I SPENT TWO WHOLE DAYS LIVING IN THAT GAME! THAT IS SO COOL! I got so tired in the game. It felt so real. YOUR TRYING TO TELL ME I ONLY SPENT THREE MINUTES IN THAT GAME!” Joseph replied, “Yeah why?” I started to wonder if he was serious. I told him to have a try. Joseph looked at me very seriously. He looked somewhat scared as if he were about to walk into a house filled with ghosts. I told him there was nothing to be afraid of. “All you have to know is that when you want to quit the game, you just have to focus very hard.” Joseph nodded towards me. He picked out the game he wanted, sat down on the chair, and put on his helmet. In a little under a second Joseph’s head rolled onto to his shoulder.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Halloween fright fest

Last year on the night before Halloween, I was listening to the radio. There was a contest on 92.3. The contest required that if you call up, and Chunky doesn’t hang up on you and give good reason for wanting to go to Six Flags, then you win 2 free tickets to Six Flags Fright Fest. Right after I heard this announcement on the radio, the doorbell rang. I went downstairs to the front door and answered it. It was Effie. I brought him up to my room. I told him to call 92.3. He called the radio station but Chunky hung up on him. Then I called and I heard Chunky say, “Hey this is Chunky! Tell me why you think you deserve the tickets to Six Flags Fright Fest.” I thought quickly about it and said, “SIX FLAGS ROCKS YOUR FACE!” I waited a little and heard “Congratulations! You just won two free tickets to Six Flags Fright Fest! I will personally drop the two tickets off at your house tomorrow. I will also include a limo to take you there and back.” I screamed. I then told Effie that I had won the contest. I asked him if he wanted to come and he said, “Is that a joke? Of course I’m coming!” I told him that the limo would leave from my house at noon tomorrow. For the rest of the night, Effie and I watched a movie.

Sure enough, the next morning Effie arrived at my house at 9 a.m. I could tell by the look on his face that he was super excited and couldn’t wait until noon. He had to arrive super early. Both of us were way too happy to speak although I forced out the words, “Six Flags has been building a new haunted house for the past year.” We both looked at each other. Great minds think alike. We both nodded out heads. (Without even saying anything, we both decided to ride that ride first.) We had passed the time by eating and text bombing one of our friends. Literally, every minute we would go to the bathroom so we wouldn’t have to go at the park and waste any time. Finally the time came. The limo showed up in front of my house. We both got on. The entire ride to Six Flags, we played with all the buttons on the limo.

When we got to six flags, we rushed to the new haunted house. We got the first ride of the day! When we got on the ride, the ride manager launched us into the house. After about ten seconds inside the house, we stopped moving. All the lights went out. All we could hear were people talking and laughing. Effie and I both thought this was part of the ride. After sitting there for ten minutes we heard a loud “BANG”. Someone had jumped onto our cart. It was a zombie clown! There was blood all over his face. There was no way this could be part of the ride. The clown had picked up someone in front of us. The clown brought her by the wall and then she screamed so loud that caused everyone else on the ride to scream. She screamed so loud that I woke up to find myself sitting in my bed, holding the two tickets in my hand, when I heard a limo pull up to the front door…

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

haikus don't always make sense

today as i walked into my English class i saw my teacher was dressed up in a ridiculous costume. on the board was written "haiku." everyone had a puzzled look on their face and some kids even said, "wahaaah?" i was the only one who knew what a haiku was. it was a kind of poem that only contains three sentences and seventeen syllables.

after seeing everyone's reactions, the teacher said, "everyone quit now!"

i could tell by her voice we were about to have a pop quiz. and just i was thinking that "TAKE OUT A PIECE OF PAPER!" i started laughing because it was pretty ironic. she stared at me and i was biting every part in my mouth that was bite-able to hold back from laughing. i bit my tongue so hard it started to bleed.

my teacher called out, "you have one minute for this test, you start after i give the instructions...write a haiku. You may begin."

as soon as she said that i whipped out a pencil from my pocket and stared writing to fast my pencil point broke. luckily for me it was a mechanical pencil. i clicked the eraser and continued writing. not shortly after, i realized everyone was staring at me. i started to think "was this a joke? i mean, i have a great teacher but she's usually very serious about jokes." then i tried to ignore that thought and within seconds, i blurted out "done!" everyone was saying, "what how are you done?!" then i realized she was serious for everyone's reaction.

after the minuted passed she started collecting everyone's paper and started grading them. everyone's paper was blank except for mine and a few other kids. Their papers said WHAT, THIS IS NOT FAIR or I'M GOING TO TELL MY PARENTS ABOUT THIS and just stuff that they were complaining about.

it didn't take a long time for my teacher to grade the tests. but while she was grading them i heard her start laughing one kid stared crying because he thought she was laughing at him. i knew she was laughing at what i wrote.

after she was done grading them, she passed them out and said, "everyone FAILED. Except for one: Michael."

I've always wanted to hear someone say that but when she said it, it sounded like i was in a movie or a book; it just didn't seem real.

then she said "Michael will you please explain to everyone what a haiku is?"

i was still in shock from what she said earlier so i couldn't speak. I'm usually very good at speaking in public but i was speechless.

then all of a sudden i heard the bell for social studies. i realized that either i took a half an hour trying to talk or she gave us a little more than one minute to write the haiku.

my haiku was:
hai-kus are ea-sy
some-times they dont make much sense